Thoughts on Aging

When I turned 30, I cried. I was sad and disappointed. Don’t get me wrong, I had (and still have) a good life, wonderful kids, a loving husband. But the disappointment was just within myself. I always thought I’d be further along when I hit 30 or at least maybe things wouldn’t have still been a struggle. I thought I’d have a career, would have traveled more, would have lived a life that was – something more than what I had.

When I turned 35, not much had changed but my mind was a little more settled. I didn’t feel the crushing blow of disappointment but more of a determination. I had told myself I was going to go back to school and get my associates degree if I could get grants and not take out any loans. Luckily we were broke enough that the whole two years were covered and there were no out of pocket costs. I took online courses for two years and earned that associates degree, graduating with a 4.0. During that two years, there were two middle school kids to still raise and attend all their school and sporting events. One year in, we picked up and moved 1155 miles away. I did classes online between unpacking boxes and starting a new job. At one point I worked 3 jobs, still had school and sporting events to attend and a house to run.

When I entered my 40’s, I felt the weight begin to lessen. The kids were older and had fewer school and sporting events I needed to worry about and I only had two jobs. Then we moved back home, another 1155 miles. I got a low paying job at a school and enrolled in college again to get my bachelor’s degree. I got grants, scholarships and the dreaded student loans. We bought a house, moved, unpacked, created a home again and I graduated with a 3.7 GPA. The boys still had sporting events that I attended but at that point the oldest could drive and both were self sufficient enough that they didn’t need me as much.

After graduating, I got a better job and made more money but it didn’t hold long term growth for me so after 2 years there, I moved on and got a job that paid the bills and then some. I hit 50. A milestone. A big deal. I had two grandkids by then and I felt peace. The stress of my 30’s and raising a young family, trying to make ends meet, the daily life struggles in between all blurred into the background and I felt a shift. I had a new found confidence and a general feeling of badassery that I had never felt before. It’s a little hard to explain that feeling unless and until you feel it for yourself. You no longer carry the weight of what used to hold you back, including other people’s opinions of you. It’s incredibly freeing to feel so good about yourself. And not in a physical way, but in a mental way. A feeling of FINALLY being comfortable with WHO you are.

And then we moved 1283 miles away from the Southwest to the South. I had 3 grandkids now and left a job that made me a lot of money and led to a very comfortable lifestyle. I took a job that made me cry every day. A job that made me feel invisible. And a sort of depression hit. I worked there for one month before I started looking for another job. Six months later I found a job at a place that makes me feel valued and wanted and comfortable. It does not make a lot of money and that is the downside. And it will never make a lot of money in that position. But the peace I feel being in this state, in this field of work, in this season of life – the difference is immeasurable.

So this week I’ll be turning 55. And I’m excited about it. I don’t have any intentions of moving again, not returning to school, not making a huge career move. I’ve entered 2026 and this season of life with new adventures, new goals and plans and a sense of self thatI can’t put a price tag on.

All this to say, if you feel like you’re mentally struggling with age and turning another year older, it gets so, so much better, so much more peaceful.